Why do I feel so conflicted? Another way to understand inner conflict
In my last article, What is Sacred Geometry and how can it support you? I promised you that I would introduce you to a very supportive shape. So, let's start by looking at what we're supporting with this: I'm essentially offering you a new perspective on the question of "why do I feel so conflicted?"
This inner conflict is something that most of us deal with an awful lot. We may not always be aware of it until we tune into it. But it can show up in all sorts of ways. Perhaps a friend invites you out for coffee and a part of you feels you would love to see them and another part feels you can't really justify taking time out of your day right now.
That's a more practical issue. But what about the inner conflict we experience with our emotions? The inner critic that shuts us down when we start taking steps towards our dreams, for example.
Well, this is the kind of material we'll be exploring. And this is the geometry through which we are going to examine it: the Vesica Piscis:
As a shape – a geometry – this is just two circles that have been drawn so that they overlap. You’ve probably seen this shape many times, in different places and contexts. If nowhere else, you may notice it in the centre of the Find My Energy logo.
But it’s not “just” a shape. It carries a deep meaning that actually acts as a compass for navigating through life with more ease and grace. So, it is a shape that you can contemplate any time you find yourself struggling with tricky situations or with inner conflict. And I’m going to explain why…
The deeper meaning of this shape
This shape is very precise: The overlap is arranged so that the edge of each circle sits precisely in the centre of the other. This creates an almond shape where the overlap occurs. And that almond shape represents balance (I will return to explain that in a moment). This also represents an energy flow. When we are in balance, we are able to create a self-sustaining flow of energy: we’re not experiencing rushing or blocks.
This shape is obviously in two dimensions – it is a flat drawing. If we were to translate it into three dimensions, it would become a torus (a donut) and that shape also has this self-sustaining energy flow where the energy passes through the central hole and around the outer edges in a regular, consistent flow.
An (entertaining) example of inner conflict in action
But what does this actually “mean”? Well, we live in a universe of duality – right and wrong – is and is not. And this is often the source of our inner conflict. We likely have many voices in our heads that tell us we should do this thing because it will benefit us in some way, AND we shouldn’t do the same thing because it will harm us in some way.
Let’s take a silly example (a favourite of mine!) – I “should” eat chocolate because it tastes delicious and brings me satisfaction. AND I “shouldn’t” eat chocolate because it is full of sugar and calories that can wreck the health of my body. So, where does that leave me? Either torn and conflicted – or yo-yoing back and forth between the two circles that represent the two opposites – or managing to find satisfaction and flow if I can discover a balance – in other words, land myself in the central overlap.
In this silly example, that balance might look like me creating a rule that says I can eat chocolate as a treat once a week. Or it might see me recognise that cacao actually contains a lot of health benefits, and the issues with chocolate come from the processing, so I can BOTH satisfy my desire and support my health if I choose raw cacao. Or maybe you see another way of balancing this predicament.
Why do I feel so conflicted? Recognising polarity
The difficulty with the idea of “right” and “wrong” is that it implies that one or other of the circles shouldn’t exist. And that is what we see within society when two groups with different views clash. Both have a persuasive argument and evidence to back up their ideas, so each becomes persuaded that they are “right” and that they must have the “only” way. In other words, the other group is “wrong” and should be obliterated.
We’ve seen this time and again throughout history – whether it has been in the context of religious conflict, or colonial takeover, wars or political parties and systems. The thing is, each system demonstrates that it is viable by its very existence, so we can’t just pretend it doesn’t exist, or kill it. As long as we remain in that energy, we are in a state of war and conflict.
And we also experience this state within ourselves: It’s not just conflict about eating chocolate! But literally parts of us that believe we deserve something versus other parts that believe we do not. And this is incredibly uncomfortable to experience. It also creates stuck energy: As long as we are living in this conflicted space, we struggle to move forwards.
Even if we do manage to take one step forward, for example fearing public speaking, but overcoming that fear to voice something in a meeting, we often then take a step back in response: In this case, hearing the opposing inner voice telling us that we spoke badly or that Dan from accounts is now whispering about us behind our back because we shared what we thought. And so, we step back into the frustrating space of not sharing how we feel.
The Vesica Piscis in action
And this is what the Vesica Piscis represents. Those two circles can move. They are actually two separate circles, just as we have two polarised opinions or beliefs. But as long as they remain separate, we experience internal disconnection and that uncomfortable flipping back and forth and ultimately remaining stuck: There is no self-sustaining flow of energy, no productive forward movement or growth…or at least, very little!
You might see that at the level of society and history (that age-old question: why does history repeat itself?), or at a personal level (why can’t I let go of that annoying habit?).
When we recognise that this separation is actually an illusion, we begin to connect the two circles. That isn’t to say that suddenly the two polarities become the same. If we take a religious conflict that was rife in the seventeenth century (my period of expertise), it is still true that the Catholic Church and its perspectives of doctrine exist, AND it is still true that the Protestant Church with its different perspectives still exists. But now we have found a space in which they can coexist: We can appreciate that each has merits and challenging ideas – depending on our perspective and experience. We can live in the middle space where we access both and draw on the different merits of each, while avoiding the pitfalls of each (according to our own personal definition of what constitutes a “merit” or a “pitfall”) and we can grow.
And so, the Vesica Piscis becomes a metaphor or a pictorial representation of this. Even though we see the two circles now in their optimal position, where there is room for opposing perspectives and a space in the centre where they overlap, we can still find ourselves inhabiting any part of that geometry. So, yes, we may still be right on the edge of one circle. Or we may have found balance in the central space where the energy flows and sustains, neither in famine nor flood.
The roadmap for growth – personal and societal
This geometry literally embodies the roadmap for growth.
- Step one is often experiencing one extreme – becoming aware of one circle.
- Step two often entails us becoming aware of the opposite extreme – that might be through noticing our own inner conflict, or having that opposing view mirrored to us by another person. And thus, we become aware of circle two.
- Step three is finding the common ground between both perspectives. That way, we can integrate them and bring in balance – entering the overlapping area of the shape that sustains growth.
The invitation to find balance
Notice: when we become aware of the “other circle”, we immediately have some choices:
- We can remain fixed in our original circle – trying to shut down, ignore or destroy the other because it doesn’t fit the view that makes us feel safe.
- Or we can abandon our original position and take on the position of someone else. Again, not necessarily wrong or bad, but still unbalanced, and effectively shutting down, or destroying, or making some part of us wrong.
- Or we can become curious and remain open and see how we can integrate both perspectives to create something new.
So, I invite you to contemplate something that feels challenging to you – some experience or feeling where you see polarity and feel conflict. How can you find common ground? How can you accept that both sides are “right” AND both sides are “wrong”? How can you take the benefits of each and combine them to create a balanced perspective that allows you to move forwards?
A practice designed to help you resolve inner conflict
If this feels confusing and you’re not sure where to start in practice…or even if you just want to try another way of resolving inner conflict, then you might like to take a look at the Kolorlan Practice for Parts Integration and see if the geometry and colour can support your process. You can find it here: https://kolorlansystem.com/products/kolorlan-practice-for-parts-integration
This geometry holds such powerful energy and is such a clear image, that I plan to reference this article in future to give some specific contexts and examples for using this idea to find greater ease or rewire patterns of behaviour that no longer serve you. As you explore the Kolorlan System, you will notice that this image appears often in the geometries, sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes hidden.
So, I invite you to begin exploring the meaning by engaging with Kolorlan and applying that to support your own life.
