Why Do I Keep Repeating the Same Patterns? A Different Way to Understand Feeling Stuck

Interesting question, and maybe you’re immediately wondering what I mean here. Well, when I’m talking about repeating the same patterns, I’m thinking about something that you desire, but which keeps getting blocked by things that might be labelled self-sabotage or difficult experiences.

Some common examples might be: You desire a loving relationship and you just keep attracting people who refuse to commit. Or, you know you’re meant to be sharing your talents in a particular way, but you try and build a business to do that and you consistently struggle to attract the customers.

Today, I’m going to explore this idea through the lens of something called your “sacral no”. Now, some of you may be wondering about the term “sacral no”. This is something that, as far as I am aware, has come through the modality called Human Design and its developed evolution of Quantum Human Design. Now, I am not an expert in these modalities, so what I am going to be sharing here is coming from personal experience and observation.

In essence, the “sacral no” is a compass that certain of us are wired to be able to use in order to make decisions. Put basically, this is about getting into connection with your body and sensing what it feels in the sacral area. Do you feel something that is a “yes” or something that is a “no”.

The idea is that this by-passes the thinking mind which is often biased by conditioned programming (for example, the things that society believes are acceptable or possible). Instead, we are accessing one of the intelligence centres of the body which carries the wisdom of the soul. So, by following this intelligence and its guidance, we move closer to our soul path and in the process, closer to the things that bring us joy, help us grow, tap into abundance and so on.

It is a beautiful and powerful concept in a society that often feels as though it is only here to constrict us, take away our power and ensure we stay stuck in misery. And the more we have become aware of how the mind can be manipulated, the more we are being invited to see the body as the actual holder of truth and wise guidance. But here’s what I’m not really seeing people talking about…

The potentially devastating problem with this idea

I’ve just said that we have become increasingly aware of how the mind can be manipulated. Other people and institutions can impose ideas (analogy: “install programs”) that belong to them, not to us. So, when we begin making decisions based on those programs, we end up following paths that aren’t really designed to support us, even though they may be perfectly supportive for other people.

The next area of research that is relevant here is our deepening understanding of trauma. It used to be that someone who was experiencing something like chronic fear or anxiety was perceived to have a problem in the way they thought – a mind issue. But the recent decades of trauma research have shown us that although anxiety may come with particular thoughts in the mind, it is also held in the body. Researchers like Bessel van der Kolk and Gabor Mate have been showing us how trauma creates biological changes.

And then we have this invitation to tune into our body – whether that’s into the sacral area or the heart (the heart also has its own intelligence: Biologically, it possesses neurons) – and use that as a more trustworthy navigation tool than the mind. But guess what? The average human now carries a varying degree of trauma in their body. So, just as the mind may be clouded by beliefs that aren’t actually helpful, supportive or relevant for the individual soul, so the body is now clouded by trauma imprints that are also blocking access to the soul’s wisdom.

But I’m not really seeing a lot of people speak about this – at least not in this way. Again, we have a divide: those who feel deeply spiritual and speak in the language of spirituality (alignment, “sacral no”, divine path) and those who speak in the language of matter and talk about trauma, biology, science and so on.

So, we have this beautiful awareness of the power of the sacral or heart chakras to provide us with incredible information. We also have another beautiful awareness emerging of how much our bodies are carrying in the way of trauma – inherited DNA from our parents, grandparents and older generations who lived through war, famine, genocide, natural disaster and who knows what else. Plus, whatever we have experienced in our own lifetime. Both things are true, and they create what I see as a unique challenge for humans at this particular moment in time. So, let me elaborate…

Am I telling you the “sacral no” is “wrong”?

You might possibly be wondering if I’m writing all this to try and argue that the “sacral no” idea is just another piece of misleading spirituality designed to bypass the material world and give permission to individuals to avoid facing up to life.

And I will be honest here, I believe I have seen it used in that way. Not deliberately. The people I see doing this aren’t consciously trying to bypass or hurt others or even miss their own soul path. They genuinely believe they are in possession of a powerful tool that allows them to make better decisions.

They are actually correct: This is a powerful tool, and I believe it has the potential to help us make decisions. But “better” decisions? Well, that all depends.

The way I experience it, the “sacral no” is simply another tool. My mind is a tool as well. And tools perform a job. In this case, they provide us with information. And that information is showing us our current state, the light and dark that is sitting in our field right now. If that seems a bit abstract, maybe think of it this way…

The decision you are being invited to make is like standing in the doorway of a room, but the room is currently dark. So, if you try and take a step into it, you’re not sure of your footing, what might be inside or what you’re about to trip over or bump into. Your “sacral no” is like a light: Switch it on and you see part of the room. Your mind is like another light: Switch that on and you see another part of the room. Perhaps you also have other “lights” – intuition, connection with spirit guides or something else. All of those things are different lights that illuminate different areas of the room and allow you to see what is inside – they provide information.

Now that you can see, you are empowered to take a step forward. You make more choices. Perhaps there is a clear path and you just wish to follow that. But perhaps that leads to a blank wall – a dead end – and you can get no further. Perhaps you decide this is it and choose to retrace your steps and leave this room by the way you entered. But this still leaves you stuck in that same hallway where you began. There may be other rooms – new invitations, new decisions that could take you out of the hallway (get you “unstuck”, allow you to expand and experience something new).

There is another possibility. Now that you have illuminated everything in the room, you notice that there is another door out of it. But the thing is, that door is currently blocked by a few items. So, you might choose to move them and clear a path to that new door. Some of them may be easy to shift – simply moving small ornaments into new spaces. Others are going to be trickier: Larger pieces of furniture that take time, perhaps even require assistance from someone else. And at any point in time, you may decide the task feels impossible and simply return to the original hallway and find a different room.

OK, so that’s just a metaphor, but how does it relate to the practicality of life?

How to use your “sacral no” to really support you

I see your “sacral no” as the first stop on a deeper journey of discovery. Absolutely it is accurate in that moment. It is telling you that something is blocking your path. And if we were all inhabiting trauma-free bodies that could be all the information we require in order to know whether or not we’re truly aligned with our soul. Genuinely saying, “no, this isn’t your doorway – try the next one.”

But since my understanding is that we are inhabiting trauma-riddled bodies, it’s actually just turning on the light. The “no” is showing you that there is a lot sitting in that room – not a clear path to your desired outcome. So, maybe you do want to close that door and try a different door off the hallway. Possibly there is an empty room that contains your dream and you just get to walk into it.

Or possibly you open every single door and find yourself faced with a similarly cluttered room. So, until you find the courage to start moving some objects, you will remain stuck in the hallway, and likely begin telling yourself stories about your dream being unrealistic, or actually undesirable and it was a mistake to have that dream and you’ll just enjoy the hallway for the rest of your life.

What if you used the “sacral no” as an invitation to become curious?

The “sacral no” isn’t a one-off thing – it’s a part of a chain of thoughts, emotions and sensations. They may all land at once, so it’s hard to pick them apart. And there are many different things that can be happening here. If you can explore what they might be, this is how you begin shifting the blocks and clearing the path to your dreams, abundance, deep fulfilment.

So, let me leave you with that idea for now, and I will return in the next article and give you a few possibilities that may help you to better understand your “sacral no”.

In the meantime, if you are already feeling curious about what lies inside your inner world, the Complete Kolorlan System is a self-help starter pack that can support you in noticing patterns and discovering insights. You can find it here in the Kolorlan Shop.